Accept and Fight Through

Post by Chris Bahns

We all know that everyone faces challenges throughout their life. Some are consciously-decided challenges such as running a marathon, finding a new job, taking up a new hobby, going to get a new degree, raising a child, building a deck, or even something like saving money. These are all great things. These are all challenges that move you towards experiencing a better life – to create the life you most desire.

Life also throws many challenges our way that we didn’t ask for. These challenges test us in a different way. Allow me to tell you a few of my life stories and the lessons I've learned…

My brother was diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes at the age of 4 years old. Imagine that! Think back to when you were 4 years old… if that’s even possible. I can’t remember being 4 years old. What I do know is Juvenile Diabetes was tough on my brother and my family. Constant doctors appointments, finger pricks multiple times a day, shots 3 times a day, mood swings due to sugar levels being out of whack, strict diet, etc…as a little kid. Imagine going to a friend’s birthday party and not being able to eat the birthday cake or ice cream. Think about being a kid and the joy of going Trick-or-Treating on Halloween and then coming home, dumping all the candy out on the floor just to start eating candy until your stomach hurt or until you were yelled at by your parents. Remember your excitement? My brother had to trade his candy in for the less-exciting, sugar-free candy (some of which was actually pretty good). Certainly there are even greater concerns that come along with having diabetes, but imagine growing up and having to do things differently than all the other kids. That is a challenge, especially for a child. There are many challenges out there and unfortunately many even greater than diabetes.

As my brother got into his teenage years, his foundation had been rocked and he was really struggling to accept the life challenges being thrown his way. Even when he had love and support from his family and close friends, teachers, psychologists, etc., he struggled. While in college, he tried to ignore his diabetic needs and went into a diabetic coma. My brother was never really the same after that, but he wanted to go back to school. He did, but he really struggled and his life challenges grew. They grew to a point where he felt there was no way out. He felt no one could understand his pain and he didn’t want his problems to be the problem of others. My brother took his life at age 25. In the end, his decision impacted all those that loved him. The impact trembles on today and always will. Losing my little brother has been one of my biggest life challenges.

Make sure your loved ones know how much you love them.

The best lesson I can pass along after experiencing the loss of my younger brother is this: Make sure your loved ones know how much you love them. I’ve been able to find peace knowing that my brother knew how much I loved him. During his struggles, I was fortunate enough to have had a heart-to-heart with him as we clinched each other tight. It was that moment when I, for a brief moment, could feel his pain and he knew how much I loved him.

Let others help.

My brother indirectly passed along another lesson to me… If you’re struggling with suicide, let others help. Everything doesn’t need to be on your shoulders. You have more people out there that love you than you might think. You will overcome it. Just don’t give up. Accept the life challenge, and fight through.

That’s right… When talking about losing my brother, I said it was “one of” my biggest life challenges. I’ve faced many tough challenges. Another one of the most difficult challenges I’ve faced is when my wife and I found out that while going to the first ultrasound of our first child, that he would be born with a rare birth defect called Gastroschisis – a defect in the abdominal wall that doesn’t keep the unborn child’s intestines and other vital organs inside their little tummy. After months of wondering and worrying about what was going to happen with our son as he was still developing, and how things would be for him once he was born, the day finally came. Our son was born and he was immediately in the caring hands of doctors and nurses. After many surgeries and over 3 months in Children’s Hospital’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), our son was finally able to come home. He’s now 6 years old and doing very well. He does have a “cool scar” story he can always tell.

While the 3 months in the NICU were extremely tough, we were fortunate to have an outcome like we did. A NICU is a special place, but not a place you want your child to be.

Before trying for our second child, we consulted with multiple doctors. We didn’t want another little one to go through what our first went though. Since we were told our risk was the same as anyone else, we started trying for our second child.

We were so fortunate and thankful to have become pregnant again. We couldn’t wait to have a normal first ultrasound and to find out what sex our baby was. Our days in the NICU were behind us, so we thought. Nothing prepared us for hearing a doctor say “lightning has struck twice”. Yes, our second child was going to be born with Gastroschisis as well. Having been through this before and knowing all the risks associated with it, the news was more devastating than before. We knew too much, but we held on to the hope that things could still be okay.

We were in the NICU with our second son for 56 days. Yes, shorter than the 3 months we were in with our first son, but a much tougher and emotional rollercoaster. It wasn’t the same surgeries or complications; it was a totally different NICU experience. We are extremely grateful and fortunate that our second son is now 3 years old and just as ornery as any other 3 year old. You would never know by looking at either of our sons that they were tested and challenged even before they were born. They never stopped fighting. I was one proud dad from early on.

Do not worry about what you can’t control. Have faith. 95% of what you worry about doesn’t happen, so there’s no sense in worrying.

One of the biggest lessons I can pass along as our family went through this extremely challenging time is this… Do not worry about what you can’t control. Have faith. 95% of what you worry about doesn’t happen, so there’s no sense in worrying. Once I realized this (and it took me time to do so), I was able to find some peace during the toughest of times.

It’s the sum of all the parts that makes up who I am, not just the challenges I face.

As you can see, I’ve faced unforeseen challenges in my life that I would wish on no one, some of which were explained above and others that weren’t. I understand that no matter the challenge life throws at us, there are many other blessings life presents as well. If you look, they are there. For me, life gave me loving parents and a great family. Life gave me an amazing and strong wife. Life gave me two sweet battle-tested children. Life gave me true friends. Life gave me a job I’m passionate about. During challenging times, I look at my life as a whole. It’s the sum of all the parts that makes me who I am, not just the challenges I face. Recognize the blessings in your life.

I decided to share some of my life stories in the hopes that at least one person will read this and take these lessons to heart. Maybe they will help someone struggling with life challenges see that everyone is faced with unforeseen challenges. Life will continue to present challenges and it’s how you deal with them that will determine the outcomes. For me, I choose to take challenges face on when they come my way. I choose to accept them and fight through.